Awards & Accolades

I do not wish to seem immodest, but my background is rich with honors and achievements. Here is but a partial list of my accomplishments:

• Academic Leadership: My class was the first class in the history of Bishop Kelly High School (Boise, ID) to have no National Merit Scholar (I was almost as close as they got, which tells you just how unique we really were).
• Sacred Spelling Award: I collected more holy cards from spelling B's than any other second-grader at Sacred Heart Elementary. (Is that how you spell "Spelling B"?)
• Enduring Legacy Award: I was elected Senior Class Graduation speaker. This was the last year the school allowed elected Senior Class Graduation speakers. (No, this was not a coincidence.)
• Literature Appreciation: My sophomore Honors English class was the only such class to be relegated to a non-Honors class. This was because, in the words of Sister Margaret Mary, "You are NOT scholars." (The final straw was some inadvised snickering (not by me) during a particularly dramatic reading of some T.S. Eliot by the good sister.)
• Comeback of the Year Award: Due to some fast talking by my mother, I was allowed back into Bishop Kelly after being suspended with threat of expulsion after using a very bad word to describe a priest I didn't like (just loud enough for him to overhear).
• Staying Late at School Award: To my knowledge records are not kept on such things, but among my numerous detention slips at Bishop Kelly, reasons included "On-going nonsense in class" and "Scaring the hell out of the teacher."
• College Athleticism: In the house I shared with three other guys in college (UW), I held the record for longest beer can field goal kick, highest place on the wall touched with the foot, and most laps around the house interior balanced on two wheels of the wheelchair. (I was All-House that year.)
• Endurance Award: Managed to work 14 years (and counting) in the same building as Mike Steele.
• Political Astuteness Award: During a long-ago conversation, the person who was then president of the company challenged my plans to write a book about the company by noting that he was the one who would write a book about the company. At this point I demonstrated my impeccable judgement by noting that this presented no conflict as I planned to write the non-fiction version.
• Victory Over Small Mammals: I have managed to minimize the amount of damage done by raccoons to the pond in my back yard with a simple application of traps, motion-detector sprinkler device, electronic sonic device, electric fence, manually-applied broom handle, and red fox urine.
• Dressing for Success: First place in the Endura Outrageous Hawaiian Shirt/Muumuu Contest - June 26, 1998 (I wore a shirt).